033 - Design your Future

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0 - 65 Jonathan Mendonsa We have a very special podcast for you today. Today we want to talk about the pursuit of happiness and specifically looking at conventional choices and determining whether or not those choices make sense for your life or whether or not those conventions are actually chains that are trapping you on the hamster wheel if they are you can make the choice to live an unconventional lifestyle and design the future that you want to live into and to have this conversation. There is no one better than Dominick Quartuccio who actually has written the book design your future. Dominic once had it all, a so-called successful life and lucrative 15 year career in the financial services. He led a good life. The result, he was bored restless and uninspired. So he left the corporate world and focused on experiences that challenged him to assess his long held beliefs and stories. And today he wants to share this journey with our community. And this is a very personal story especially for my co-host Brad because he has relied on Dominics coaching and leaned heavily on that coaching for the last several years. Brad do you want to just take a second to talk about your own experiences with Don.
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65 - 139 Brad Barrett Yes. Dominick has been a friend of mine for almost 20 years now going back to our undergrad days at the University of Richmond. And as I've gone through my professional life and now have attained some level of quote success with my online businesses I've realized how much of life is psychological. And you out there in the audience. You hear me talking about this all the time. And honestly I get much of my information from Dominic. He is the guy that I rely on so that's why this is truly a special podcast for me and I could not be more excited to have him here and to have him share not only his story with you but his teachings as well because I think he can help our community significantly. And it's a slight departure from our normal guests. He's not embedded in the FI community but as he's listened to our podcasts he's realized just how many similarities there are with focusing on happiness with focusing on freedom and these bedrock principles that we talk about over and over here at ChooseFI. So yes we cannot be more excited to have him here. And with that welcome to the Choose FI radio podcast. All right. So we are back. Thank you for joining us here on the podcast.
139 - 141 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah thanks for having me Brad.
141 - 163 Brad Barrett Yeah this is awesome. It's intensely personal for me because you really have become such a big part of my life in the last couple of years. And it's it's an interesting journey. Right. We knew each other I guess 20 years ago at the Richmond when we were both on the student government. And you right. I mean we lost touch for many years and then just reconnected I guess about three years ago and you'd say.
163 - 165 Dominick Quartuccio yeah that's right. And reconnected stronger than ever.
165 - 237 Brad Barrett Yes stronger than ever. We got together for lunch and it was just like this instant connection and it's because a lot of what we've each been discovering on parallel paths has tied in so directly. And it's fascinating to me actually how we kind of approach it from minor different perspectives but we've been pursuing the same path and that is happiness and freedom and taking control of your life. And as you say in your book Designing your future or designing your life so it really was like one of those magical connections. And I as I've mentioned on the podcast here a couple of times I went on a men's retreat back in March and actually that was Dominics retreat. He was the guy who put this together design the entire weekend and it was one of those transformative weekends for me that really opened my eyes to what community is like and having this group of men around you who are all looking to make themselves better to have this future that they want and that they're yearning for. And Don I just wanted to pass along a huge thank you personally here on the podcast. I know again I've alluded to it many times but that was a wonderful weekend.
237 - 328 Dominick Quartuccio Brad thank you for that too and not to leave the ladies out because we got to I've got quite a bit of an outcry saying hey what about us. And currently in the process of doing something similar for a women's retreat like that but yeah Brad I think the real impetus of designing something like that was I saw so many talented men in my life men like you who you know had reached a certain financial place in life who started asking different questions about their life like is there more or did I dream big enough why do I feel this sense of restlessness in life that I've created for myself even though on paper I should be grateful for everything I have and I'm having these feelings of guilt for not feeling so grateful and wanting more. And what's that about. And you know not knowing exactly where to turn. And when I realized that was my journey I hit that seven or eight years ago and I was directionless at that point didn't know where to go. So I went on a path of self-discovery and bounced around a lot and a lot of mistakes made a lot of amazing discoveries. I said I want to be able to provide this for a community of men and I know that you've talked about this in previous podcasts like community is one of the most important things especially as we are accelerating into the future. There's just so much uncertainty around the way that the labor market is going to look the connections and the like deep meaningful relationships that you have are going to be something that will endure. So that has been one of the most rewarding things from that mentorship just to see the way that you guys have kept in touch and the successes you've all had as a result of it that's there's no bigger reward.
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328 - 405 Brad Barrett Yeah the community that you built has been amazing and I've kept in touch with many of those people had somebody flying here to Richmond and we sat down for brunch and you know just those human connections that I'm constantly talking about on the podcast. They are just crucial in life. And you know to touch on a couple of things you mentioned there that feeling of restlessness I think a lot of us experience it. And as you mentioned it almost feels like you're an ingrate or something. How can I have these issues in my life when everything is perfect. I personally live this what I believe to be this wonderful perfect life but yet there are still those moments when you say All right well what next. Or as our friend Keith at the retreat said I never dreamed I passed here. And that is just such an impactful quote and I think a lot of us feel that and we don't really talk about it right and that's why having you on here is so important for the FI community and the community at large because we do need to talk about this stuff. We need to talk about designing our futures and being excited about the future. Right. I think that's something that you talk about a lot is really not just drifting through life but being intentional and excited about things to come.
405 - 640 Dominick Quartuccio Brad one of the things that you just said that I absolutely love is this feeling of like guilt around not being as grateful as you feel you should be for what you have. And in the work that I've been doing especially over the last 18 months one of the biggest barriers that I see for people having everything that they want in their life is feeling guilty for wanting more. And the fact that they say that because I have such a great life I have a family. I have children I have a great job. I have this great house and there are other people who have so much less than I do. I should feel satisfied with what I have. That actually becomes a self-imposed ceiling. And I see it time and time again so that people stay stuck in that place of complacency and drift is the word that you use Brad and I have to give a little context to where I discovered that word for the first time because when I explain it to people they go oh my God that's me. So if you allow me a little bit of an aside. Drift is a word that I discovered from Napoleon Hill. And if you guys are thinking grow rich fans like I'm sure a lot of your listeners are thinking grow rich is one of the best selling it's the best selling business book and personal development book of all time only 15 books have ever sold over 50 million copies and they're all pretty much like Harry Potter and those kinds of books in Napoleon hills think and grow rich is the only one that made it into that echelon. But I like a book that he'd written even better that was buried for 70 or 80 years because his family deemed it too controversial for the times. And it was called outwitting the devil. Now this book if you don't know Napolean Hill was basically big during the Depression era that's when he did most of his work. And one of the things that he changed his course of his life was he had a conversation with Andrew Carnegie that said hey if you want to know the secrets of the most successful people in the world go interview hundreds of the most successful people in the world but then go interview like five or ten times as many people who felt like they didn't live the lives that they wanted to. So he ended up interviewing 500 of the world's greatest rights like the Henry Ford's The Rockefellers. Thomas Edison is like. And then when he he ended up interviewing about 25000 people who near the end of their lives felt like they had not accomplished what they wanted to. So he interviewed way more people who didn't succeed than did. Now they're think and grow rich. Was the Bible for how to attract riches into your life outwitting the devil became this book for kind of like a book end to that story and it was a cautionary tale for what happens if you live an unintentional life. And the term that's used in there over and over again is this concept of drifting. And drifting is the state of existence where you think you're consciously making decisions but you're actually just kind of meandering through life in this hypnotic rhythm and it's only when the power of an outside force thrusts itself upon you like losing a job like getting an illness like being jilted or dumped like it's something pretty crappy then and only then do most people actually sit up and take control of their lives for the first time because their foundational belief systems have been shaken to the very core and what goes on to be described in that book is Why do we have to be beholden to an outside force thrusting itself upon us to be the only catalyst for us to change. And when I read that it was like my my mind exploded and that was back in 2011 it was during Hurricane Sandy. I was here in New York City with all the lights and the power out. There's like no distraction. It just went in all the way and it shifted everything about me. And then I had a chance to see so many great and talented people living their lives in the state of drift and they were becoming increasingly unhappy even though they had everything on paper that they were supposed to. So yeah Brad that became my mission was to help break people free from drift.
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640 - 646 Jonathan Mendonsa It's shocking to me that this is a word that was in a book in from the 1950s is that what we're talking about.
646 - 648 Dominick Quartuccio Earlier. I think 20s and 30s.
648 - 652 Jonathan Mendonsa That's amazing. But yeah powerful powerful visual image.
652 - 731 Dominick Quartuccio It is. Yeah. And so there's a number of questions actually that you can start to ask yourself you know if you're like am I a drifter or not and there's seven questions I think we ask people but I'll just ahead like a couple of them. I think it will be relevant for your listeners is number one your primary decision making what causes you to go into action is based on fear. And I work with a lot of top performers right. So these are people who are pretty successful. And when I ask them this question the first reaction is like not I'm not I'm not a fearful person but then I peel back the layer of the onion. And one of the common themes I find for top performers is they are top performers because their undyingly fearful of not being good enough of failing of looking bad. And it was either maybe an expectation that was set up at a very young age or what not it was something a belief system that was adopted early. And one of the ways that I tell people that you can start to understand if you've built a life around fear it's when your wins don't feel all that great anymore and when your losses start to feel like increasingly worse or the worst part of all is if you don't really feel anything whether you win or lose that when you start to get numb to kind of any high or low that's when you've built an entire life around fear. And that's why I ended up writing a book about designing your future which is that in intentionality it's a towards something like living into a future that you're excited to live into versus constantly running away from the things that you fear.
731 - 847 Brad Barrett Yeah and we constantly talk about the hamster wheel here. And I think there's a lot of that in what you're talking about which is just going through the motions. And you talk about being numb. Many people go through their lives without any sense of progress or excitement. We're talking about excitement but progress to me is another crucial aspect of being a satisfied human being. Right. And like for me it's incremental progress over many many years. This is something that maybe I was drifting for years when I was in my typical tax manager job sitting at a desk but something switched in me a couple of years ago when I left my job and now it's a lot of this information that I've taken. And Dom we listen to a lot of the same podcast. Jocko Willing and Tim Ferriss and all these things that I pick up from them. It's about finding things that excites you finding things that are challenging like you sent an email to me and a couple of other guys maybe two months ago about one of those things that make you wake up giddy as a kid on Christmas morning. What makes you who as you said I think throw up a little bit in your mouth when you're scared or frightened of doing something different. It's those emotions that make us human. And I think so many people maybe numb themselves or purposely avoid them. And that's just the wrong way to go about it. And I know I've made changes just because of that e-mail and I didn't even tell you this but I join CrossFit recently and I was honestly I was scared of that for years. It's something that I contemplated but I always thought Oh am I in good enough shape am I going to show up and be embarrassed and it was all these just these negative thoughts that I was just limiting myself for no reason whatsoever. And I just said you know what. Screw that Dom said do something that's going to make you a little bit frightened. You know throw open your mouth a little bit and hell. I'm going to do that. And it's been great. I've been going for about two months now and it's fantastic. So that's just one tiny little way but that one email you sent impacted my life.
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847 - 967 Dominick Quartuccio Well I did know that you joined crossfit I listened to your podcast. And I remember you were mentioning that so great for you. And think about that if you were to ask yourself the question when you look out over your horizon towards your future is there something that lights you up like if you were a kid who celebrated Christmas being a kid at Christmas or maybe when you were a kid like you loved your birthday like is there anything on your horizon that gets you that excited. And the closest thing that 90 percent of people have to that is a vacation and even that's less of a really exciting thing for people it's more like I'm looking forward to it. There's an escape but there's missing that emotional element that along with it comes a sense of growth right for most people to go on vacation. They don't grow during that it's usually like an escape just to get away from the grind. But if you plan something that's like an adventure or you join cross-fit or is that that thing you thought you wanted to do for quite a long time like leaving your corporate job or writing a book or starting a blog. Like those things were all scary because it involves risk and failure etc.. Those are the very things that actually create the tension that allows for you to grow. And if there is an absence of that in your life then you probably know that you are drifting because there's an element of fear that's keeping you stuck and Brad. The last thing that you mentioned about progress is huge and I'm finding that increasingly people have a harder harder time feeling that sense of progress because people are so busy you finish one thing there's 20 more things always waiting for you. You never feel like you're getting ahead of the ballgame. And therefore it's just like this rat race or hamster wheel like you mentioned. What I love about FI is there's a very tangible sense of progress when you start to money away and grows over a course of time. I spent 15 years in corporate financial services in the 401k arena. So like this is what I know. You know I remember putting in my first pennies into my 401k account I know what I had when I left 15 years later it was almost felt like a miracle. So if you're not doing things that allow you to get that sense of progress that is where the restlessness starts to kick in.
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967 - 987 Jonathan Mendonsa And there's so many similar parallel powerful concepts that you explore in your book that when I was reading through it I was just astounded by and one of those that really struck me was this idea of the power of beliefs and maybe the power of false beliefs. And I'd love to hear you explore how beliefs impact the choices that you make and sometimes they can impact it in a very negative way.
987 - 1182 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah. Wow. I love this question about belief systems and how they can be so limiting and I think that most people don't even realize how pervasive their belief systems are in terms of how that could help accelerate their future but how can also put this ceiling over your head. So one of the stories that I love telling about one of my prevailing limiting beliefs was I left the corporate space 18 months ago but about two and a half years before that. So it took me two and a half years to decide that I was going to make my exit. Two and a half years before that I was meditating and I got this epiphany that said I want to build my future around coaching and speaking and writing and inspiring people helping them remove obstacles. And wouldn't that be amazing. And then the very next voice that entered my mind right after that epiphany like my whole body was vibrating the very next voice and into my mind was. But You could never make as much money doing that as what you're doing right now. And what I was doing right then was I was the sales manager for the eastern half of the country for a Fortune 100 firm. So the pay was lucrative. And in that moment I didn't even inspect that story that belief it just rang true to me. I accepted it as truth. So for six months I did nothing about that epiphany I had. I allowed that story to like basically douse out the flames of my creativity until fortunately again six months later when I was doing another meditation I felt that same vibration come back up that like I meant to do something bigger than what I'm doing right now something that's more in line with my passion. And then again that voice came in my head said you could never make as much money doing that as what you're doing right now. Except this time I actually challenged the question. I challenge the belief. And I said well wait a minute who says what if I could make ten times as much money doing what I believe in and what I'm passionate about is what I'm doing right now. What would stop me and the important thing here is that I didn't necessarily believe that I could make ten times as much. I just went through the intellectual exercise. And then I said Actually nothing would be stopping me. So I said OK cool. Well I'm not ready to make the leap on just that alone but I let that marinate and I kept asking the question in my mind like for the next coming days is what if I can make 10 times as much. And what ended up happening like this power of suggestion to my unconscious mind and my conscious mind allowed me to start finding these examples of people who had done exactly that. You know people who had built entire lives around what their passion about who guys like Tim Ferriss is I know he's his name is thrown around in your podcasts all the time but like he changed my life with his books in his writing. You know Gary V you have Marianne Williamson. People just have done this with their lives. And eventually it started to pull in all these different pieces of evidence that it could be done. I could write a book. I could write a blog. I could go coaching. I could do public speaking. And then all of a sudden once that nebulous fear of not making enough and that faulty belief of never being able to make enough was decimated then I said in February of 2016 I'm going to leave Prudential that was a company I worked for and so for two years I had the time of my life and I was actually the most productive and most vibrant employee that ever had because I had had this sense of purpose. So for the last two years I was working there. I had I brought the most of myself to work and it was the best two years that I had there. And when I left Man it was just like I felt like I was flying.
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1182 - 1192 Jonathan Mendonsa And there's a very striking concept right there buried in that that you pivoted from the pursuit of money to the pursuit of happiness and identity with this transition.
1192 - 1359 Dominick Quartuccio Absolutely. And I love talking about happiness because you know I would say 95 percent of my clients are had had a belief at some point in time that like money was going to buy them happiness. And most of my clients do have a lot of money. And what's funny is there's very little happiness that exists in that space. And you know one of the books that I'm a huge fan of and you guys probably do an entire conversation on this. And Brad I sent this to you last week is called the last safe investment Jonathan have you heard of this. I have not but I hope to hear about it right now. Yeah. Well the last safe investments is a phenomenal book by a guy named Brian Franklin and I think it is co-written by Michael Ellsberg the last safe investment they talk about is is you. And there's a conversation here around your happiness index and they talk about hey if there's what's just use to you guys example so Brad would say you make a hundred thousand dollars a year Jonathan you make hundred thousand dollars a year. But Brad is twice as happy as you are Jonathan then your happiness index is lower right your happiness index. It's more expensive for you to be happy. So Brad could be you know he could have $50000 would be just as happy as you at 100. So like what are the things that you spend and invest your money on. That actually magnify the happiness in your life and another one of the concepts in this book talks about systemic spending and they say that if you think about what you spend your money on don't just look at it for the category that you spend in. Look how it affects the entire system that you operate in. So let me use an example specifically. I go to the equinox gym which is a big gym in New York City in different parts of the country. They have like 30 locations here equinox is super expensive. It's like a high end I pay $200 a month to be a part of that and that they're probably like drives people crazy when they hear that. If I were looking at that expense just purely in terms of like working out that would be ludicrous because I could get workouts for free at home or I could go you know somewhere work out in the park and get the same similar workouts for free or for a few bucks. But I look at the Equinox how it affects the rest of my system. It is a social place for me. I've met a lot of my good friends over the last 10 years in living in New York City from equinox when I travel there and a lot of the cities that I travel to and then I can go to a place that feels like home and actually end up bumping into newer people and establishing relationships. It's a home base for me if I ever need to work has got free Wi-Fi. So you see how like one investment can increase my happiness and all of these other arenas that effects my system and systemic spending. So I do a lot of work around like what is it that makes you happy because it doesn't require a lot of money. In many cases it requires less, you just need to be intentional and not be drifting around where it is you're spending money because you think or someone told you or society tells you that that's what's supposed to bring happiness.
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1359 - 1459 Brad Barrett And Dom when you're talking about that I'm thinking in my head the word intentionality and then for you to bookend that with that is perfect because that really is what we talk about here at Choose FI because I don't have an issue with people spending money in general if they deem there's value there. My concern is when people are just spending money without any thought and it's just going away like we had Joel and Alexis from FI 180 here a couple of weeks ago and now was just a wonderful episode where they talked about how they changed their life. They have this 180 from spending over $100000 a year just mindlessly with no intentionality at all and they couldn't even answer where that money was going. So we met them at Camp moustache a couple of months ago and at that point they could not tell us how they spent an extra somewhere in the vicinity of $70000 a year. And that to me is crazy. You know there's there was no intentionality. And it wound up it was just on frivolous nonsense that they derive no happiness from and did nothing for their well-being. Whereas you have determined OK equinox is expensive like you've admitted you know some people might think that's preposterous but you've thought about it and you get value out of it. And like I've mentioned on the podcast my pool we spend $500 a summer at our pool but that is our happy place. I mean and that's not an exaggeration. I mean that's where we spend our entire summer and our family and our kids are going to think about that for the rest of their lives. They're going to have memories of spending their wonderful time with their parents. And I'm fortunate to be there every single day because of this FI lifestyle that I've pursued so it's every step of the way you talk about intentionality. And I'm just very glad that you focus on that in particular.
1459 - 1552 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah and it breaks my heart when you hear stories like people who have spent $70000 I have no idea where it went or when people come to me. So when people come to me there's usually a problem. Right like when they want to coach there's something in their life that they've been dealing with and they're not willing for it to continue any longer. Well one of the things I constantly see especially with married couples and especially particularly with married couples with children is that they've boxed themselves into a corner financially. They've overbought on their house they've overbought on cars. One of the things that my financial adviser recently told me is that parents are spending way more on their children indiscriminately to box themselves into a corner where there's absolutely no flexibility left and not that that's a judgment on parents whatsoever. I think that what she's saying is one of the habits that scene is I want to take care of my kids at all costs. And there is a little intentionality that's brought into those decisions that are made it's just give them what they need. And what ends up happening is that there is no flexibility or bandwidth left in the system so that when something is needed like to invest in coaching or like a job gets eliminated and they need to live off of savings there are none. Or like someone wants to pursue their passion, they're really talented but can't afford to leave because every last cent is accounted for, now you're stuck and trapped in your life like these are the unintentional decisions that lead to putting these invisible prison bars around you and that breaks my heart. And that's exactly why the two of you are so motivated and doing what you're doing because you other people to experience the kind of freedom and happiness that you're currently living.
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1552 - 1571 Jonathan Mendonsa In the construct that we find over and over again that's replicated as someone is using the term that you mentioned to your drifting passively going through life. Grazing is another way that we have said it on the show. And then at some point I think Brad borrowed this term from you. They have this awakening. There's some sort of trigger in a lot of times like you said it's an outside force that thrust itself upon you.
1571 - 1715 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah that's right. And just to give a more context on awakening quickly. So there's two types of awakenings. There's the unintentional awakenings Jonathan like you just mentioned the outside force thrusting itself upon you. And that's pretty much the catalyst for 99 percent of behavior change in people is like some negative event that happens an outside force thrusting itself upon and then where I'm a proponent is to create these intentional awakenings are like we become the catalyst of our own awakenings by putting ourselves into these situations and Brad like you talked about signing up for crossfit like you created an awakening there for yourself because it was nervous for you. Like it was something that you felt like could stretch you and put you in a situation you know if you're going to fail or not. And by the way your podcast like what you're talking about when people tune in they are accelerating their ability to have awakenings because you're giving them new information. The distinction I'd make between awareness and having an awakening is actually taking action. And I know you're big proponents of like making sure that people take at least one actionable thing out of every one of your conversations. You can have it you can be aware that there are a lot of smokers who are aware that they will get themselves sick they'll get cancer by smoking but doesn't change your behavior. It's not until like the diagnosis that happens that maybe that some of them decided you know what I'm going to take action that awakening occurs. But again it's usually this negative thing. So I'm a proponent of how do we catalyze our own awakenings. That's part one and then part two. Now that you know that something has to change it's like OK well what's the action I take next and I offer up the second step of how to bring yourself out of drift. So first place is awakening. Next part is disrupting yourself and disrupting could take a number of different forms. So disrupting could be stopping something. So for example like temporary abstinence around people who drink a lot or eat a lot of sugar or they whatever they may be overworkout. Some people are workout fanatics to take a intensional temporary pause on something and to kind of kill the thing that you love temporarily or that you do a habit so that you can start to get feedback on why it is you do what you do. So I'm constantly doing these things like 60 days off of TV and Netflix you know 90 days off of alcohol just to understand why I was doing that stuff to begin with. And it gives you such an illumination around all the societal behaviors and expectations that cause you to do things you do even when you don't. You're like man I don't actually even like this I just do it because I thought I had to.
1715 - 1753 Jonathan Mendonsa That's incredible. I love that. I think I've in some degree felt the pull to try something like that in my life over and over again. I don't know if I did it in the context of an awakening but just switching things up in your life getting out of the monotony of the day to day and looking to see what's excessive what's unnecessary what is just frankly a chain trapping you to your current rut that you're in. In many cases I think it's food. It's watching TV. It's maybe looking at your cell phone. Forty five times a day. It's hard to know what your addictions and your pain points are until you just try to remove everything or something. One at a time just just to figure out what it is that you are subtly addicted to.
1753 - 1809 Dominick Quartuccio I love it. You know whether this would be really helpful in terms of something to take away one of the greatest insights that I've ever come across was by a man named vicar Viktor Frankl and Victor Frankel is the author of man's search for meaning one of the best books you could ever read about finding your purpose and meaning in life. And Victor Frankl was a Holocaust survivor. So talk about being able to find hope in the most hopeless of circumstances. That book is a must read if you ever want to get connected to a purpose or meaning but one of the things that actually wasn't even in that book that he said that was really profound. He talks about stimulus and response and he says that in between stimulus and response there is a space and inside that space lies our ability to choose a new response and that's basically our gateway to all sorts of freedoms that we want in our life. So Jonathan like you were just talking about stimulus come home from work you're exhausted. You grab a tub of Ben and Jerry's sit on the couch. Family Guy for three hours.
1809 - 1812 Jonathan Mendonsa Sounds. Like a great night.
1812 - 1869 Dominick Quartuccio Don't like talking myself into it ha but that's like that's the response right. OK. Stimulus work pisses you off. Response like you go and bury yourself in social media for an hour and over the course of a long period of time these stimulus responses can get so entangled that they're like you know like clamping your fist together they seem like you can't even There's no space in between them. But what is offered up by Frankel frankly says no no if you can interrupt that stimulus response cycle so the stimulus happens and instead of responding the way you typically do you step back, there's an infinite number of ways that you could respond. You just have to have the intentionality to choose that. And therefore you can create a new behavior and a new future as a result of that. So you guys are doing that all the time with your listeners on offering new ways of investing money or stopping spending. And that's what I would categorize as an interruption inside of disrupting yourself.
1869 - 1976 Brad Barrett And Don what's funny here is that I'm sitting with my thumb on the Viktor Frankl quote on page 63 of your book as I was getting ready to say that precisely before you read it. So be honest. We're on the exact same page literally on the exact same page here. I knew that was one of my big takeaways. That's space between the stimulus and the response from from the retreat that we went on. So that truly was my big takeaway. And I've implemented that in my life so I know like you mentioned in the book I think 95 percent of what we what we do what we believe is all habitual. It's it's built in and we don't even think about it because it truly is habitual and it's just going on in the background. And for me now that I'm aware of that that's just not good enough. So I actually think about that quote and it makes it's an absolute game changer. So I knew just in dealing with your family I mean I love my family but you still you still respond negatively sometimes and I find myself actually having conversations with my wife Laura where she'll say something and I will go to respond like I normally would and actually stop myself and say why are you doing that. That's just built on some story that doesn't mean anything. And I know that very particular quote It's something that I keep with me on a daily basis. And I would challenge the audience out there to think about that. Think about that space actually think about it as a space in your conversations in your life between whatever that stimulus is and whatever your response normally would be. And I challenge you to change it and just actually think about it. So I think that will be a big actionable takeaway from this episode and I know Dominic you know that it was a big actionable take away from our retreat.
families
1976 - 2064 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah. And one of the things you mentioned there I think would be helpful to just dive a little bit deeper on was this 95-five principle. So 95 percent of your thoughts your feelings your behaviors fall below your conscious detection and neuroscience has shown that that's that's pretty much the case and you may hear other numbers like it's it was 90 percent or 87 percent whatever it is, it's the vast majority of your thoughts your feelings and behaviors fall below your conscious detection and that's where your habits your patterns your belief systems your stories exist. That's where let's say the upbringing that you had exists that's where the environment that you live in exists. That's the social economic factors that you've been exposed to for most of your life exist. These are the things that are on autopilot and though we think we're driving our own car andcalling our own shots caught consciously all of the time. It's actually this 95 percent now the 5 percent is where That's our conscious thinking. This is where you can make the determination to put the space between stimulus and response. That five percent is the thing that allows you to consciously choose the new behavior going forward. The problem with this 5 percent this is where your discipline and willpower exist and your discipline and willpower. It's like a gas in a gas tank it gets depleted and it gets depleted fast. That's why by the end of the day that's why you bring in the Ben and Jerries to the couch with family guy for three or four hours like you're just done when you're exhausted it's done.
families
2065 - 2070 Jonathan Mendonsa And I guess part of that is once you realize that construct you can hack it right to a degree.
2070 - 2164 Dominick Quartuccio Absolutely without question. So once you understand that contract which is what I'm constantly saying to myself that 95-5, 95-5 I was like OK what behaviors no longer serving me what mindset is no longer serving me it could be like a fear around money. So for example moving into this new world I used to sell stuff but it was other people's stuff when I'm now selling. This is me. It's very personal and putting a price tag on that brings up all sorts of emotions around that and rejection of the thing is me. That's a whole set of mindset and belief systems that I had to inspect and work on in this new arena. And when I started to realize that my natural impulse was to want to undercut myself just to get a yes that was in my 95 percent I was realizing I was so afraid of rejection on some level that it actually it held me back from the abundance that I deserved to be able to attract the kinds of clients the kind of money that I deserve. So in that 5 percent I hacked right like John that you're talking about I said you know what. This next time that I have an opportunity I'm going to raise my price and I'm going to do it in a way where I'm going to throw up in my mouth and if I don't then I know it's not a high enough price. And once that happened and people started saying yes that became a habit for me and that slid into my 95 percent so you can consciously decide new behaviors new ways of being and that's going to take a lot of effort and energy that's where your 5 percent comes in and you do it long enough that it slides into your 95 percent it becomes habitual it's on autopilot and you can climb the next ladder.
mindset
2164 - 2171 Jonathan Mendonsa That story is so personal for me because as you were saying it I was feeling the fear for you if that makes sense.
2171 - 2175 Dominick Quartuccio I get that. I'm glad because I could have used you when I was actually there my friend.
2175 - 2192 Jonathan Mendonsa Thanks for sharing. At a very vulnerable level I would undercut myself every single time and I'm sure that as we talked to people about doing side hustles and essentially creating an idea or a passion that essentially you are the product in many cases that is almost a palpable fear. What am I worth what what is my value.
hustle
2192 - 2258 Dominick Quartuccio Without question and one of the great books to get around that is the War of Art by Steven press field and he talks about this big concept of resistance. And he says you know we all have two lives the life that we live and the unlived life with us. Right. And so it's that life that you really want to live. But the resistance that holds you back from going there. And he said if you've ever been a writer who doesn't write if you're speaker who doesn't speak if you're an actor doesn't act if you're an entrepreneur who doesn't own his own business or her business then you know what resistance is about. And one of the key themes that he talks about in that book is he actually had to create almost a fictional shell company for himself like Stephen Pressfield Inc. That when he would submit say a new novel or a book or a screenplay or whatever whatever it was he was doing he would submit it under the Steven Pressfield Inc business so if it got rejected it was his business getting rejected and not him, you get the distinction there. So it's like a little bit of a way to for anyone out there who's interested in building a side hustle but has that fear. That's a great way for you to kind of give a little separation to you and the work that you're putting out
hustle
2258 - 2278 Jonathan Mendonsa Essentially this is all happening inside of this three step construct of drift and you call it the ADD cycle. And step one was this essential awakening. Step two was the disruption which we've touched on and now step three and essentially the highlight of lot of what you talk about is designing the future you want to live into. Is that right.
2278 - 2341 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah and you got Jonathan and you nailed it. So the thing that you talk about all the time here right on your podcast is being intentional around your money. And what I'm talking about here is being intentional around designing the future and not just designing any future but designing a future like you can't wait to live into one that's dynamic one that's exciting one that has a little bit of mystery. And if those things appeal to you great or if if safety is something that is really appealing to you and security and predictability then those are the things that are also the future that you want that you can't wait to live into but to get really clear on what that is. I have this one exercise that I love doing that I'll share with your listeners that it's provocative but it's one of the greatest ways for you to get really clear and what you want that future to look like. Because before I set up the exercise I want to share with you some of the problems that people have in really envisioning what their future is. So first of all its people are so stuck in their current state that it's really hard for them to kind of get their head above water and look far enough out to say what would be exciting to me.
2341 - 2379 Jonathan Mendonsa And I think that idea of being stuck feels a lot like the hamster wheel and people in many cases trapped themselves to their lifestyle due to just the amount of time they put in their 9-5 which becomes a nine to 10 into the financial obligations that they take on the oversized house the oversized mortgage the oversized car and then the activities that they sign up for volunteering for everything to be everything to everybody and not holding anything in reserve. And a lot of those things contribute to you both being financially stuck and unable to get any leverage or alternatively just being stuck mentally mentally exhausted and not willing to recapture anything for yourself to grow yourself for as a person.
volunteering
2379 - 2569 Dominick Quartuccio And Jonathan as you were saying that like I just felt heavy right like that like that and that that is the weight that so many people are carrying around in and it's it doesn't have to be that way but that's how a lot of people are feeling and it's really hard to say hey what do you want in your next five years to look like. And with that weight that albatross around their neck to be able to come up with anything that's going to be inspiring because they just don't believe that they can move to that place and such like five five years seems like a short period of time even though we know a lot can be accomplished. It just occurs as like so close given all the weight that's on the shoulders so what I like to do is this provocative exercise with my clients and I call it writing your own eulogy. And so people like bristle when they hear a eulogy and because that has connotations of death and I say you know this is not about thinking about the death element of it it's thinking about the celebration of life element. Cause if you're to fast forward to the end of your life there's going to be a time when someone is going to be reading some really nice things about you that you're never going to hear. But wouldn't it be nice if you didn't even need to, well, you're not going to be around for it anyway but wouldn't it be nice to not need to be around for it because you've lived your life with such intentionality that you knew exactly what they were going to say anyway. And so one of the things that I direct people to do is to say how long is it that you want to live. And most people haven't even contemplated that question a lot of people that you'd be surprised by a lot of people just based off of their family history and one time one of my clients had gone through this he came back with like 63 years old. 63. Dude why. And he goes Well my father died when he was 62 and my grandfather died when he was 61. I just figured I'd be you know. And and so that translated into the way that he was treating his body his treating his life because he thought that he only had maybe two decades left. Vs.. Well doesn't have to be that way if you really got to call your own shots and you took care of yourself and you designed an intentional future. How long would you want to live. And in many cases I end up seeing people just start to extend their lives to 80 or 90. Mine is way out of whack. Which if you read the book you'll see how far I plan on living. But that creates a different kind of awareness right now for how should I be treating myself. The next question I like to ask is What were the things that you experienced during that period of life. Because guess what. Many of the best days of your life have not even happened yet. Let that one sink in, right, like some of the best days of your life. Many of them have not even happened yet. How cool is that knowing that you're going to live into that at some point and what could you do now to set that up for those exciting moments to occur. And what did you leave behind. Right like what lives on beyond you. So were there people that were impacted. Is there a system that was set up their lives on beyond you whether it's a business that other people are working for or philanthropic exercise whatever. And if you get really clear on what those things are and by the way this changes all the time. But like if you can get clear on what those things are it gives you a kind of urgency in this moment to say am I doing the things right now that are tracking me towards that.
families
2569 - 2579 Jonathan Mendonsa And one thing that strikes me as you say in this is I'm thinking to myself when these people write their eulogies I doubt that the job they're 4:51 is mentioned really anywhere in there.
2579 - 2640 Dominick Quartuccio Exactly. And you know what Jonathan I love the example you brought up here because one of the things that I want to be mindful of is it's almost without fail people come back with this exercise and they go. My job didn't show up anywhere. I hate my job. I should leave my job. And I say ok. Like if that's actually how you feel great like lets plan your escape route. The other thing that I like to do because a lot of people aren't in that position at least now or anytime in the near future is to say you know what work does provide and can very much provide all, a lot of these things that it is you want whether it's through financial income whether it's through personal development or professional development. And if you can start to draw the links between the work that you're doing and finding that it has a meaning and it serves a bigger purpose for you then the work that you thought sucked so much doesn't suck so much anymore. And it gives you extra hop your stuff and intentionality when you show up because of that. So I'm glad you brought that up and give me a chance to you know to make that distinction.
2640 - 2688 Jonathan Mendonsa And I feel bad because I think I just threw work under the bus. But actually I love what you just said because that is a mental hack there that is incredibly valuable and I think the F-I community gets probably a justified bad rap for trashing work a little bit too much. I don't think it's intentional but I think we've created a construct in which we're pursuing our passions and many times those passions do not include work. But having said that if you can get to a place where you are just thrilled to be in your job you're loving your job and your job is helping you pursue some of your other passions. Those two can run in tandem and frankly we will continue to do a really bad job of helping people love their job more I just have a feeling that's not going to be something we're good at. But I think it is incredibly valuable just to take a couple of minutes and this mental hack you provided would definitely be a key to doing that.
2688 - 2690 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah. Right on.
2690 - 2717 Brad Barrett Dom another aspect that you talk about with designing is believing that you have the ultimate authority over your life. And I'd love for you to talk about that because I think that it's just such a huge mental shift as opposed to just passively going through life being on this hamster wheel letting outside forces impact everything that happens you shifting that and having this authority over your life. And that's just such a crucial concept so yeah I'd definitely love to hear your thoughts on it.
2717 - 2774 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah. So ultimate authority is one that it's a heavy concept and it's one that you have to accept with great responsibility because when I say that you have ultimate authority over your life it sounds inspiring until you realize that the life that you're currently in right now if it's unappealing to you if the conditions are not where you want them to be you have to first accept responsibility for being where you are. And in many cases it's because of the decisions that you have made that have gotten you to where you are. So for example like if you're in debt or if you're in a job that you hate or a relationship that's no longer serving you and you still continue to stay there a lot of the strategies for dealing with that is to blame outside forces. It's like well my partner changed when we got married or this job we got acquired and now new management is coming over and everything's shifting. And I understand that there are dynamics that you cannot control but you absolutely have ultimate authority over how you respond to those external conditions.
debt, relationships
2774 - 2779 Jonathan Mendonsa So the dark side of ultimate authority is ultimate responsibility.
2779 - 2856 Dominick Quartuccio And that's the dark side. It's also the bright side too. Right. Because when you can take that responsibility and realize that you know what if I'm in this situation. And I feel like crap it should be a trigger to you to say OK this is like my alarm point now to get myself out of it. But it usually takes some tough medicine in order to get yourself out. And so a lot of people find themselves stuck in this space and if you're really going to take on this concept of ultimate authority then what I'd encourage you to do is to go to the people or look at models, role models and examples of people who have gotten out of this situation who have been effective in dealing with those things that you have that you are struggling with right now. What I find most times people go to them for help for the people who are closest to them. So it's like they're in a bad relationship they'll go to another person who's like their friend who's also in a crappy relationship and ask for advice and then they end up having like twice as crappy advice and they get stuck there too. Same thing for people making financial decisions right. So go and talk to the people who have modeled the kind of success or behavior that you want and then when you're able to take the ultimate authority then you start to find that there's no situation that you can find yourself in that will ever defeat you. And when that happens freedom ultimate.
relationships
2856 - 2921 Brad Barrett You know I love that. And I find now that I'm aware of this after you've made me aware of it but I hear people's stories and they're constantly coming up with excuses of why they can't do something. And often it's a deep seated issue that they may not even realize right like they've convinced themselves that they're inferior or that they can't for some reason because of X Y and Z. Right. And you could fill in a million things in the blanks. But when you just shift when you have that subtle shift to realize that you do have authority over everything that happens you it's like this aha moment. And I'm like I'm sitting here I notice it now everywhere and you can't go around unfortunately telling everybody hey you have to stop. You have to suffer. But what I'm trying subtly to help impact people in my own life and help them realize you do have say over what happens here and you need to. You need to stop as we're saying here you need to stop drifting and you need to just realize you can impact your life in ways that you had not previously realized.
2921 - 2930 Dominick Quartuccio Without question. And when you finally get to that stage it's just like a new horizon of blank canvas like whatever you want to paint on that future becomes available to you.
2930 - 2946 Jonathan Mendonsa Wow. Yeah. This is fantastic. So one obvious question that strikes me is you've had the chance to coach hundreds thousands maybe tens of thousands of people and you've helped mentor them through this process. But what is what is your eulogy look like. What is what's in there.
2946 - 3167 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah absolutely. So one of the things I have in the book here and this is constantly been a theme that's come up for me even however many times I've rewritten my eulogy is Dominic left a legacy of love for people. He had an insatiable interest in other people seeing people how they wanted to be seen. The highest compliment he ever received was you make me love myself when I'm in your presence. And it was a compliment he received often his life purpose was to constantly strive to be the best version of himself and help other people do the same. The people whose lives he touched became better husbands wives parents children business owners workers and humans and the communities they impacted create a ripple effect felt across the world. And you know I go on to say a couple of other things about like I've trained over a million people and I've written in our times bestselling books et cetera. And these are massive types of ambitions that I have and it's exciting to me to think that like that could be that will be in my future. And obviously it could also seem a little bit overwhelming and like that seems so far away and when my clients do these things they say the same thing it's like I love that. And then how do I make it real. So I end up chunking it down to help people to look at their next year. But more specifically the next 90 days. And the reason why I love the 90 day period of time is because it's just far enough away for you to be able to get big things done. But it's also close enough like the finish line is close so that you never lose the sense of intentional urgency. And there's two types of urgency there's like the kind of urgency that most people run around with which is the frenetic anxious a million miles a minute getting things done. Type of person. Then there's the intentionally urgent person who. They're on a path right. They're on a mission because what they're doing is so important and that's what shows up like with U2 guys when you're doing your podcasts and the work that you're doing is because you know what that ultimate vision is for yourself where you want to be potentially in the next year. And therefore it shows up in the quality of your podcast. So what I end up having people do as I say just identify one goal maybe two maximum but I really like to focus on one thing that you want over the next 90 days. And if you were to get that thing over the next 90 days how would that change your life. So for example let's just say some of my clients will come to me and say I want to lose 20 pounds I'm not a dietician and nutritionist but I think weight is a thing for a lot of high performers because they're spending so much time being busy elsewhere. OK. If you were to lose 20 pounds at the end of 90 days what effect would that have on your life. I'd be confident and fit in my clothes my love life would be better with my spouse. OK great you're finding out if the juice is worth the squeeze. And if these benefits of losing that 20 pounds don't light you up then you're going to abandon mission. When you get when things get tough if it does let you up the juice is worth the squeeze and you're like I want that. I'm foaming at the mouth. I need to have that. Then I say ok. Like what are the big action steps that you need to get done by the time the 90 days are complete and those action steps are the things that you have control over. And it could be I need to do 50 workouts the next 10 days or 40 workouts I need to schedule all of them I need to be a part of a community. You know Brad do you like CrossFit because there is a community element to it that needs to be part of it. Great. And then to make it really actionable What do you need to do. Over the first week to make sure that you get all those major action steps done at the end of the 90 days and it could be something as simple as go on your calendar block off the 30 or 40 workouts put it on your calendar for the next 90 days research three workout facilities that could be interesting to you. Talk to five friends who have done like a great transformation in terms of their weight and then bang you're off to the races and you've just made it real.
3167 - 3192 Jonathan Mendonsa And I can say anecdotally when I look at the biggest strides that this podcast has made over the last six months when I look back at the source of those process improvements it goes back to you Brad and I have in a conversation saying what is the one thing that we can work on this week. What is the five things that we can work on over the next month. Where is it that we want to put our focus that will have the greatest impact. Looking back three months from now across the board I can say that.
3192 - 3219 Dominick Quartuccio See. And then it's like Brad I think you said this before those incremental wins stacked up over a course of time and I love to say like relentlessly accumulate small wins when you are relentlessly accumulate those small wins and the tipping point occurs and then all of a sudden everyone looks from the outside and goes wow you're that overnight success or wow like what happened to you and you're like no this is this is just been the way that I've been living for you know 90 days 180 days five years an entire lifetime.
3219 - 3269 Brad Barrett And I think that ties into what we talk about here with the FI community is just making these small changes and we talk about it in the context of finances. But it really can be your entire life. And we do try to talk about that as well. But when you start just making these small changes there is that tipping point eventually where someone can go from in the financial context saving nothing to saving 50 percent of their income which would sound ludicrous if you started at zero. But when you make those tiny little changes over and over over a period of time. That's what I've found. For me personally makes the biggest impact on my life. It's not the dramatic change. It's these tiny little things that just compound year after year decade after decade and just radically transforms your life. But again from these tiny little wins.
savings
3269 - 3296 Dominick Quartuccio Right on, and it's going to occur to other people as dramatic because they're not paying attention to your every move but you're living those every move and therefore the net effect of that is that dramatic savings or that dramatic weight loss or that dramatic whatever that dramatic freedom when you leave corporate and people go whoa what the heck happened. It looked like it was you know it was just so sudden and you're like nah, no this is this is what I've been plotting for you know meticulously intentionally for quite a bit of time.
savings, weightloss
3296 - 3297 Jonathan Mendonsa Love that word plotting.
3297 - 3332 Brad Barrett All right Dom so you talked about really chunking things down into these these little decisions and on this path for 90 days. And you also mentioned the first week and how that can be difficult for people but I assume because of the excitement level that the majority or vast majority of people get through that first week or two. But in reading your book and speaking with you I know the excitement does wear off at some point. And I'm curious when you generally see that and what tips you have to help people stay on the path for their 90 day goals.
3332 - 3511 Dominick Quartuccio This is a great question and this is huge in terms of like being able to get what it is that you want. So there's really three parts to almost any process and I'd like to talk about in terms of the energy. Right. So when you are going to take something on. There's three types of energy towards executing on something you have the starting energy. Then you move into the sustaining energy and then you have the finishing energy starting energy is always the best. Right. It's like this like that romantic connection for the first time that honeymoon period everything is sunshine and rainbows and like you're so fired up to get things done because it's novel it's new how you're going off of adrenaline and then all of a sudden reality kicks in. Right. So in terms of relationship context the dirty socks are on the floor the person blows their nose too loud. Like there's just something insufferable about them and then all of a sudden it's like oh God this is this is not as glamorous as it once was. Same thing goes for like working out. Same thing might happen when you start to save money for the first time it could feel great. Watching that bank account go up and then all of a sudden you're thinking wow maybe I like to splurge on that dinner. And the reality kicks in what you need to understand about the distinction between starting energy and sustaining energy is that they are two totally different things. And people seem to mistake and confuse sustaining energy as being bad or that like you are no longer motivated to do the thing because it just doesn't feel as glamorous or sexy as the starting energy when in reality you're just downshifting into another part of the process. So what I give for advice is to say anticipate that after it could be if your work in the context of 90 days could be two weeks it could be three weeks four weeks five weeks. There's going to be a down shift in enthusiasm. And when it comes just say Great. OK. And you may need to dial back some of your behavior so if you working out four times a week before maybe you can only do three times a week now but don't stop altogether. And if you are saving in a certain rate you're finding out that it was too restrictive Maybe you need to dial back whatever don't eliminate your saving altogether just because the glamour has gone away. Stay the course. And I think the other big thing the other big key Brad in terms of a tip that I would put up there is that's why the beginning part of the process of getting really clear on what is the goal. And if you were to achieve that goal is the juice worth the squeeze. If it's actually going to make a meaningful difference in your life if you're so clear on that then when that downshift occurs and the initial momentum has worn off you will still stay the course because you know how important it is. And then the finishing energy it's just especially for people who are doing the side hustle thing right like where you're about to launch you put like a lot of work out together and then you get stuck in perfectionism that finishing energy is really around like eliminating the perfectionism nothing's going to be perfect. You need to be able to like get that thing out there and get it done. And then feedback will occur and you can start a new cycle of starting sustaining and finishing.
hustle, relationships, savings
3511 - 3527 Jonathan Mendonsa I love that idea of putting the emphasis on the published product and I'd love to get your thoughts on. It doesn't have to be perfect. I know that I've put stuff out there that in retrospect was garbage but but I got it out there and there was value just to getting something on the floor for public consumption. I'd love to get your thoughts on that.
3527 - 3612 Dominick Quartuccio With without question. I mean you have to get it out there so that you can get feedback on what's working what's not. And to have the belief that everything is going to be perfect. It's that is going to be one of the greatest limiting things of your life. And so you hear people like Tim Ferriss and others they're always talking about get it out. Perfect is the enemy of done. So a great example of that is a friend of mine her name is Almira and Ameera has a great book called from the other side of the world and she talks about she has interviewed people from third world countries who could be the next Steve Jobs right in of these other countries and she was at a point of a press conference of sorts where other people who wanted to write a book who were stuck in this perfectionism had not written one. So I got up on stage with her and I said Well Mira you have a book right. Yeah. And I said Are there mistakes in your book. She said yeah and like other stories that you found out after you went to print that you wish were in the books. Yeah. And like would you rewrite chapters again if like you could just like yeah I really wish I could. And then I turned to the audience and I held up her book and I said but she's got a bleeping book and everyone in there and in the room looked at that and said yeah it's never going to be perfect but we're sitting here listening to her because she's the authority she got something done. There's a publisher that's put their seal of approval on this and she's out there with something that she can work with. So I say to anyone who's got something like hits you're going to hit that point where the fear that resistance like with Stephen press field before us talking about the war of art. You're going to hit that point. You have to be ready to pull that trigger.
3613 - 3618 Jonathan Mendonsa That had to be one of those just epiphany type moments for the people in the audience. Love it. Yeah.
3618 - 3638 Brad Barrett So Dom the last thing that I just want to read is a quote from your book and I just thought this was a powerful and perfect way to end it which is the quality of the external world you design is 100 percent a product of the internal world you've created. And I'd love to hear you just talk about that because that hit me on such a deep level. And yeah I'd love to hear your thoughts.
3638 - 3735 Dominick Quartuccio You know going back to man's search for meaning in Viktor Frankl and he talks about you know being in the most hopeless of circumstances right like when you can no longer change your external circumstances like being someone who is in a concentration camp. Right. You cannot change your external circumstances you are forced to change your internal state. And I hope for everyone who is listening will never have to find ourselves anywhere near a situation that dire. But we find ourselves in a place where we have a lot of freedoms right now that we don't choose to take advantage of. And therefore if we can really get inside and start to unpack some of these limiting beliefs we start to listen to podcasts like yours and other people read books go on personal development journeys and exploration where you can start to really look at the stuff that's in your blind spots and there is going to be fear there will be little to throw up in the mouth. But once you can curate that internal state then no external condition could ever mess you up or take you off your path. It's just when when like you know that outside force threats of upon you you almost smile and laugh at it and say Bring it on because this is an opportunity for me to actually get stronger to learn to be more powerful. And for most people it's an opportunity to be a victim and to complain and let everyone else hear about it. That's not you. You're not listening to this podcast because that's who you are. So if you can really start to curate that internal state then you are going to find the riches around you that you want you're going to find the freedom that you want you're going to track the community of people who are like minded like you. And then there's that network effect where the better it gets the better it gets.
3735 - 3757 Jonathan Mendonsa This was a transition for us. This this particular episode was one that we were so incredibly excited to do because you are our first guest that is outside of the FI community. But your message runs so perfectly in parallel to the the ideas and the concepts that we've been talking about now for over 60 episodes and we were thrilled to get a chance to have you on.
3757 - 3818 Dominick Quartuccio In starting to listen to your podcast. I couldn't believe how much of FI I already do unintentionally right so I think of myself as like unintentionally part of the F-I community and the more that I learn and listen that listen to what you guys talk about it's like man I'm I am one of your kind and it's funny cause I spent 15 years in financial services and I never heard the term which just goes to show the state of affairs right in that industry. But Brad and I have had these long conversations around you know the reason why he's interested in FI is because the big word is freedom for him and he chooses his gateway through FI to get the ultimate freedom to do the things he wants to do in life structures life the way he wants to spend his time with his family and the people he cares about. And my big word is also freedom like I am obsessed with having freedom of choice and freedom. But my gate way is through what gives you the most energy and I suppose like that could be the parallel that I and that I end up drawing which is like you get the most energy through understanding what lights you up. So what do you think about that.
families
3818 - 3835 Brad Barrett I think I love it. You're unintentionally FI. That's awesome what's patent that. And since we've gotten a chance to partner with you for this episode and really bring this information to the forefront of people's minds we think it would be unfair to leave this episode right here so we want to offer you the opportunity to tackle the hotseat. Are you ready for this.
3835 - 3837 Dominick Quartuccio Oh heck yeah.
3837 - 3844 Brad Barrett All right let's do it.
3844 - 3869 Speaker In a world drowning in debt and rampant consumption. Trapped by the chains of lifestyle inflation. These questions highlight the secrets of those who are broken free. Welcome to the choose F-I hot seat.
3869 - 3871 Jonathan Mendonsa All right man. Are you. Are you terrified.
3871 - 3875 Dominick Quartuccio I want the hot seat guy to like narrate my life. I don't know if that's.
3875 - 3878 Jonathan Mendonsa What your or your eulogy could be do your eulogy.
3878 - 3879 Dominick Quartuccio Can you please.
3879 - 3885 Brad Barrett That'd be awesome. We'll give you the link to fiver where Jonathan found him.
3885 - 3888 Dominick Quartuccio Oh my god please do. I can't wait.
3888 - 3893 Brad Barrett Alright man you got it. All right Don the first question the favorite blog that's not your own.
hotseat-blog
3893 - 3962 Dominick Quartuccio All right. So I got two quick ones for you. Michael Hyatt is the guy that I think it's the only blog that I subscribe to right outside of Tim Ferriss. And so Michael Hiatt's a former publisher. I owned a publishing company and he has a lot of really practical tips on how to be more productive and how to find meaning in your life he's wrote a couple bestselling books maybe you guys are familiar with him. I will read some of his like titles are you know how to get to Inbox Zero is that possible five biggest reason you're procrastinating. I find his stuff to be really useful and well-thought out but the one that I'm really passionate about and the reason I didn't lead with this is not technically a blog. It's a kind of a good YouTube show and there's a podcast is impact theory by Tom Billue you were the one who invented Quest nutrition if you've ever seen those quest bars Tom Billue you is by far the best when you know what I'm talking about. Someone who interviews like the world's best like Tony Robbins or Tim Ferriss or those guys. No one has a more prepared stance than Tom Billue. So if you want access to some of the best in the world in all areas of the world whether it's personal development with entrepreneurship et cetera he's got an unbelievable podcast.
3962 - 3968 Jonathan Mendonsa And Tom Billue was introduced to me by none other than Brad Barrett.
3968 - 3996 Brad Barrett Surprise surprise. Yeah I've loved Tom and him and his message as well as Jocko Willink. That ties into like the extreme ownership concept that Jocko talks about and that we've talked about here on this podcast with you know it's understanding you have control over your own world and yeah impact theory unquestionably is one of my favorite podcasts I listen to it it actually comes out multiple times a week. So I'd highly recommend everyone out there subscribe to that and listen to it. It will definitely change the way you think about the world.
3996 - 4003 Jonathan Mendonsa Alright question number two your favorite article of all time now this could be one that you've written or it could be someone else's.
hotseat-post
4003 - 4078 Dominick Quartuccio I love the busy trap by Tim creator and this came out in the New York Times 2012. So it's I think it's even more relevant today than it was five or six years five years ago. And he talks about how everyone is running around so busy and he calls people out on he said. Busy is really a boast disguised as a complaint and the fact that like we say we're so busy because it makes us feel important and and make it signals to other people that like that we're important. And anyone who's not busy therefore must not be aware but we get stuck in this you know perpetual state of busyness. And he also has this unbelievable quote that says business serves as a kind of existential reassurance a hedge against emptiness. And I find this to be exceptionally true for a lot of the high performers I work with where if they stop achieving If they stop doing and checking off boxes then they start to feel like the emptiness inside or the guilt for not getting things done. And that was one of the key articles that led me to start to question my existence of how busy I was all the time and I would tell you that I've never been less busy in my life and more successful in my life since I've started to create intentionality around like where is where am I spending my time how am I applying my energy and I think that this article is one of the key turning points for that for me.
4078 - 4115 Jonathan Mendonsa You know this is a concept that really we probably need to have as its own show and I will say that for me that concept it's like the super villain and a Marvel or DC movie it's just outside of sight and I can feel it always in my life as an outside presence that I could be a victim to. It's very close to me in a very real vise for me and I fight it constantly. That fear of not having anything immediately to do which is inevitably results in me checking my phone 25 times a day more constantly going to the email or looking at a stat or something totally inane and ridiculous. But it's this almost supervillain and just out of sight trying to steal my time away from me.
4115 - 4174 Dominick Quartuccio Well I'll tell you what I'll I'll add a little something extra here for you if checking your phone is one of those things that seems to be a go to like the busy trap for you download the app called Moment if you have an iPhone it's called Moment. If you have like an android it's called quality time. The moment app will tell you how many times you've unlocked your phone. Over the course of the day it will tell you how much screen time you've spent on it over the course of the day and it will time stamp so that you can know like what parts of the day you're opening at the most. How much time are spending on the most. Now this is going to ruin your phone for you the way that like calorie counter started running like the glass case at Starbucks like you just you know everything that's going in your body now. Most people underestimate their phone use by about 50 percent. And I'm not prescriptive around how much you should use your phone. But like most people don't even have an idea of how often they go to and how pervasive it is and what the effect it is on your ability to stay present and focused so give that a shot Jonathan maybe next time we talk will be interesting to see if you've been able to create a little bit of a break on that.
4174 - 4183 Jonathan Mendonsa Just the fact that I'm terrified that you told me about this app tells you how bad it probably is. That's awesome. I love the.
4183 - 4188 Brad Barrett That that actually might be the answer to number three here. But what's your favorite Life Hack.
hotseat-lifehack
4188 - 4208 Dominick Quartuccio Alright my favorite life hack. So this is something that helps you to reduce your stress. It helps you to create to generate way more creative ideas. It helps you to learn and retain information over the course of time and reduce your risk for brain illnesses. Over the course of your lifetime. And it's absolutely free. You can guess what this is.
4208 - 4211 Jonathan Mendonsa Brad's right there. He has his hand up. I'm pretty sure it's meditation though.
meditation
4211 - 4275 Dominick Quartuccio Brad yeah it's meditation. So for five years they like four and a half years ago when I discovered meditation. Like it continues to be a super power for me. And 44 percent of U.S. businesses will have a mindfulness formal mindfulness program incorporated before the end of 2017. Prudential my former employer has serenity rooms now and they have a guided meditation that you could call once a week that you know 10 minutes long and you can it's a different meditation every week. I've used it to help me overcome some of the greatest fears of my life to generate some of those creative ideas in my life. If you remember where we started our conversation the reason why I was able to go off and do this thing that I'm doing right now is because I had to download during meditation I overcame the biggest fear that I ever had during meditation and the last thing I'll say about it as we had that conversation around creating the space between stimulus and response. If you ever need to know how to. Meditation is a great way to create that space that's slowing down that pause between something happening and you reacting. And meditation has you know changed my life in that regard.
4275 - 4279 Brad Barrett Do you have any particular apps that you'd recommend that you use personally.
4279 - 4313 Dominick Quartuccio I don't do a lot of guided meditation. I do my own. So headspace is the most popular one that people have told me that they enjoy using because it keeps you accountable. There's like a gamification element to it that you know you accumulate a certain amount of days and wins it can get your practice going. So I would say I'd point people there. And then Brad you know from the men's retreat our good friend Corey muscaria Corey has a number of resources on his Web site. It's his name is spelled c o r y m u s c A r a and he's got a lot of stuff out there that you could search for. He's great.
4313 - 4316 Brad Barrett Yeah and we'll definitely link to them in the shownotes.
4316 - 4318 Jonathan Mendonsa Question number 4 your biggest financial mistake.
hotseat-mistake
4318 - 4391 Dominick Quartuccio This goes back to one of the podcasts you had recently with Alan Donegan on here and he was saying you know you don't need to spend money before you launch your business. And that's exactly the mistake that I made before I launched this business. I ended up getting a video done that cost me seven thousand dollars. I ended up getting contracts written up for like speaking engagements and coaching whatever that was another thirty five hundred. And there was plenty of other stuff I spent money on but I spent over $10000 before I tested my concept before. You know I had something out in any public forum. And what ended up happening was like the video I don't even use anymore the contracts. I barely ever used probably could have got them done for free. And those were the biggest financial mistakes I made especially when it came to my business and I listened to Alan's podcast with you guys and I couldn't have agreed more. Everything that I do now when I have a new concept is I bring it out and I start to sell it and I find out like how much people are willing to pay for it and if it's even a concept that's worth and to a tee everything he said has come true in terms of the way that my business has manifested so no more mistakes around spending before I put my business offers out.
4391 - 4405 Jonathan Mendonsa I love the continuity I'm so glad you went back to specifically Alan's episode and said that was useful for you. Going forward as well and that it's something that you had identified in your past I love that just that reach back so thanks for for drawing on that as a reference.
4405 - 4409 Brad Barrett All right Dom question number five. The advice you would give your younger self.
hotseat-advice
4409 - 4459 Dominick Quartuccio Gosh. it's either break rules because I never broke any. Or more specifically contrarian thinking. So any time that people say that there's a way that has to get done just audibly. The more people that believe in something I automatically question it and it doesn't mean you have to believe the opposite it just means question because there's all sorts of opportunity there and the whole reason why you guys have this podcast is because you're questioning the way that people have made financial decisions for ever. The reason why I'm doing whatever it is that I'm doing is because I believe people can in fact design their future in a way that it's exciting for them to live into versus just doing what everyone else is expected of you and getting married when you're supposed to having kids you're supposed to taking on the debt that you're supposed to it doesn't have to be that way. So I would say a younger self. Any time that someone says you have to do it a certain way start to question the opposite.
debt
4459 - 4463 Jonathan Mendonsa Because you were born to do more than pay bills and die.
Jonathan_Catchphrases
4463 - 4465 Dominick Quartuccio Well said.
4465 - 4473 Brad Barrett All right. All right. We have a little bonus question I know you're a huge fan of Amazon.com. What was your favorite purchase you made on Amazon last year.
hotseat-purchase
4473 - 4546 Dominick Quartuccio I think I buy everythingon Amazon and by the way just like everything I bought in whole foods this year count as Amazon now and I the favorite thing I bought for someone else. So when my friends got sick I ended up buying him an entire box of big league chew the grape kind. And that just made his day. But for me it was a book called Stealing Fire by Steven Kotler and Jamie Weil and for anyone who's really interested in like the next level of human performance must read book. So they talk about flow state which is kind of like being in the zone and how people can now start to instead of accidentally finding yourself in the zone or flow state which is like you know Michael Jordan couldn't ask about Mr. Basket. And like when you're writing it just feels like someone else is writing through your hand or like when you're in that state of like unconscious being everything's perfect. They're starting to hack ways that you can automatically get into that state for optimal performance in the Navy SEALs. And Google is already starting to implement systems that allow people to access those states on demand. And for anyone who's interested in being like the highest version of themselves this is the kind of brain food that will blow your mind. And it takes a lot of my mind these days. But this book blew my mind.
4546 - 4568 Jonathan Mendonsa Wow. Dom thank you so much for coming on the podcast today for blowing our minds for sharing your vision for this parallel storyline about designing your future. Thrilling stuff. Very exciting. And honestly it runs so perfectly in parallel to the contrary in point of view that we're trying to pass along to our audience so we really appreciate you taking time and coming on the show today for our audience how can they get in touch with you.
4568 - 4588 Dominick Quartuccio Yeah. Jonathan thank you for having me on. Brad you you're the man and the way you get in touch with me. My website is Dominic. Q dotcom I spell Dominic the correct way which I'm sure you'll link in the in the notes but it's done D.O. am I N I C K Q dotcom and I'm on linkedin as well those are my two biggest ways I'm not a huge social media user but those are my two biggest ways.
4588 - 4634 Jonathan Mendonsa All right so before we go we just wanted to let you know that Dominic has just released his new book design your future three simple steps to stop drifting and start living. It is a book that we heavily sourced to do this podcast and there's so much more in here. This was really just a taste. We want to share this with you. And so for our community he's actually opening this up for early release to audience members who would like to go ahead and read the remainder of the book. And if you're interested in purchasing a copy of this you can just go to choose FI dot com slash design. Design choose FI dot com slash design and I highly encourage you to grab a copy of this book. It will have a positive impact on the life you want to live. The fire is spreading my friends and we'll see you next time. As we continue to go down the road less traveled.
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